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My Facebook status from 2011.

Social media reminding us of our past can be a great / a not so pleasurable experience. The other day I came across this.. a post from 2011. The typos and the time I posted suggests I’d had a few, but 2011? Id recently just turned 18.

This made me realise that this kind of behaviour has been happening for a long time.

I met with my girls this weekend, and whilst chats were mainly usual girl chat, we couldn’t help but talk about all this going ons in the news. All these famous women coming forward about times they probably don’t even want to reflect on.

Ever since we have been old enough to go ‘out out’ we’ve been opened to this kind of disgusting and unacceptable behaviour. We spoke about stories of when guys actually put their hands up our skirts, how we’ve all had our boobs groped and how when we’ve told somebody (e.g. security) they did absolutely nothing about it. I can imagine for most young adult girls, who have been going out since 17/18 will have similar stories and memories.

A time that sticks very vividly in my head was one NYE, I was out with my uni girls and we went to our favourite club. I’d say the girl to guy ratio was 2:8, very male dominated. I remember walking in and trying to walk to the toilet and on that walk, got grabbed several times, my arse was slapped and hands wondered up my dress. I was that furious I didn’t even make it to the toilet but made a U turn and walked straight back out again. What was the point in telling security? They wouldn’t have been the slightest bit interested..

From my 2011 post, this was a regular occurrence. I’m quite mouthy, and especially when I’ve had a drink, I can stand up for myself. If someone touched me, especially slapping my backside, the frustration would instantly build inside and I’d turn around and snap, telling them how dare they touch me. And I got a mixed bag of reactions; I’d get the ones that were so surprised i’d got a mouth they just looked in shock and walked away, whilst others wouldn’t like that i’d retaliated and actually start shouting back and threatening me. How could they even have the audacity to have a go back at me??? Saying it was my fault for wearing a dress, that I was ‘asking’ for attention. I have always and always will dress for myself and myself only. I go out to have a good time, as do most other girls, we don’t go out to be sexually harassed by strangers.

Now on this subject, we spoke to our close male friends, who when listening to the stories replied with ‘that doesn’t happen’ and ‘what boys do that’. They couldn’t believe that these situations actually happen due to not being in that segment of males that do it. And I do believe them when they say they have never touched a girl like that, because not all males fall into the ‘its okay to grab a girls bum’ category and that is probably why they are my friends. But this makes me wonder…those males in that category, do they think that their friends doing that to girls is okay? Would they stand up for themselves and say to their mates that that kind of behaviour is not okay? I guess it depends on their view on this subject.

Just writing this has added to a long existing anger, because I know that it 100% still happens and hopefully with the current news, security and members of staff will take these complaints more seriously. More and more girls are standing up for themselves and having the confidence to come forward and show this kind of behaviour will not be tolerated anymore.

I’d love to hear peoples opinions on this, I’m now 24 and this kind of behaviour is still very much present. I still go out and STILL get inappropriately touched. Should it have taken for all these women in the news to come forward about being sexually harassed for people to realise this happens on a regular basis to a lot of women?

S x

 

Feature Image from: http://richesforrags.tumblr.com/post/107487525397/glitter-in-wonderland-xotic-fashion-make-up

I have lovedddd Primark this month, the transition from Summer to Autumn has really come through in the style of things now in Primark. My top 5 this month are all from the home/beauty section as I’m waiting for the super cosy jumpers to come in for the winter!

#1 Pink trinket tray

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This is my favouriteeeeeee purchase from Primark this month. I have quite a few trays like this, but this was so pretty I just couldn’t resist. It was £2, its thick, it has a pretty pattern and is super cute to keep my rings in a place where I can find them. The bonus is that it goes with the new copper in my room and sits nicely on my makeup table.

#2 Cooper storage basket

IMG_9322Copper is everywhere at the moment and I’m lovingggg it. I saw this basket, picked it up and put it in my bag without even looking at the price. I don’t know what I’m going to put in it, but I needed it in my room asap. Its sturdy, shiny and is excellent for my random bits I seem to collect, I might even put all my flat lay props in it.

 

#3 Glitter washi tape

IMG_9318November sees the proper start of my bullet journal and so ofc I needed to find some bullet journal tape. I have honestly searched everywhere for washi tape and they are either stupidly expensive or have really random gross patterns. These are glitter and for only £1.50 what a bargain. Find them in the stationary section.

#4 Lip Liners

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I have lost count on the amount of lip liners I have bought, however most have gone into the makeup draw and have never resurfaced. These however have not quite made it to the draw yet because I use them so much they stay right on top on the table. They have a great texture, they’re bright and for £1 each I can buy a colour to test it, if I don’t like it, I haven’t wasted money.

#5 Kabuki Brush

IMG_9319My rule is, that if I want to try something, I always see if theres a cheaper version in the Primark beauty section. I have heard a lot about Kabuki brushes, but not 100% how much id actually use it, so I’ve bought this one to trial, and if I do end up using it, will invest in a better one, but for now, this £2 one will do perfect!

 

 

Hope you enjoyed my top 5!

S x

primarkx3

Yes I’ve had my fair share of shit boys, Yes I’ve been in a relationship where I thought the only person they were seeing with was me, and yes I clearly put 100% in and got absolutely nothing back. Naturally my trust levels went to 0. But a year on, more people come and go and theres one big reason why they don’t stay.

The vicious thoughts that run through my head when they don’t reply, when they leave me on read, when they give me one word answers. My mind starts asking questions that are completely over the top,

Why hasn’t he replied, who’s he with? Has something happened? He hasn’t replied because he’s with another girl.

He’s online but hasn’t spoke to me? Who else is he talking too? Why hasn’t he been online all day, who has he spent the day with?

Who’s that girl in the his photo?

Why was he last online at 3:34am? Who was he talking too at that time?

My thoughts escalate into me making up situations in my head, that normally are very extreme. These thoughts ruin my day, they eat my alive to the point where I end up asking them, making me look like a complete ‘psycho’ girl as they say. Even with a truthful answer,  my anxiety demons in my head tell me he’s lying, that he’s actually sleeping with someone else. The thoughts get so strong that it affects how I am in a relationship, it makes me question their every move, makes me question where they’ve been all day. This is not the intensity a relationship needs in its early days, and it normally sends them running.

What my anxiety shows me is that I need continuous reassurance, and most people don’t understand that. It shows me that my mind overthinks every little detail. It seems to others that I’m just being jealous girl that has severe trust issues.

I’d love to know if anybody else feels like this and how they deal with it because i’d really like to improve this side of my anxiety. Either that or I’m picking the wrong guys that i shouldn’t be trusting anyway…

S x

I’ve come back to add to this post because all those thoughts I had, the paranoia, the thoughts that there was more going on than just a Facebook photo like….all turned out too be true. I was made out to look like I was completely going mad and he proved that everything I thought was actually correct. Thanks for making my anxiety 1000 times worse.