Depression some days makes you cry. It sometimes makes you feel really sad. And sometimes it makes you feel suicidal.
But some days, it makes you feel completely nothing. Emotionless. And I think this is most dangerous feeling it can give you.
Depression is hard, especially the days when you feel so low and down. That you get the feeling things will never get better. That you will never be happy again.
But at least when you’re feeling sad, you are feeling something. There is some kind of emotion there, even if it’s not a good one.
I get this overwhelming feeling of feeling nothing.
Sometimes I feel completely emotionless to the point where I don’t feel anything at all. That I could disappear and I wouldn’t even care.
I do not at any point think that depression makes someone selfish. And I will always stand up for this. But when I feel completely empty, that’s the time when I feel depression takes over and makes me selfish. I don’t speak to or message anybody, without caring how they feel. I’m usually very needy for attention, but I start to push people away. I am usually very empathetic and sensitive to everyone around me, but that all disappears.
I never ever want to fail, but I lose all confidence in myself and more to the point I couldn’t care.
I have felt suicidal before, but the thought of breaking my family and friends, is what stops me. It shows me that even though I may want to stop my pain, I care about other people too, and the agony they would experience is too much for me to handle. Being emotionless is one of the only times I seriously think I could do something big enough to hurt myself. I’ve become unsensitised to every feeling.
For such a determined and directed girl, these days start to worry me. Does it mean I’m too depressed to even feel sad?
I kind of know when these days are coming. I start to sleep around the clock, I feel physically exhausted. And I guess that is the response – solve my exhaustion by feeling completely empty. Some people there is a possibility that you do not have enough mental energy to allow yourself to feel emotion. I think this is a pretty good observation.
I’d like to know of a way to get out of my emotionless state without having to cause myself physical pain,