Yes I’ve had my fair share of shit boys, Yes I’ve been in a relationship where I thought the only person they were seeing with was me, and yes I clearly put 100% in and got absolutely nothing back. Naturally my trust levels went to 0. But a year on, more people come and go and theres one big reason why they don’t stay.
The vicious thoughts that run through my head when they don’t reply, when they leave me on read, when they give me one word answers. My mind starts asking questions that are completely over the top,
Why hasn’t he replied, who’s he with? Has something happened? He hasn’t replied because he’s with another girl.
He’s online but hasn’t spoke to me? Who else is he talking too? Why hasn’t he been online all day, who has he spent the day with?
Who’s that girl in the his photo?
Why was he last online at 3:34am? Who was he talking too at that time?
My thoughts escalate into me making up situations in my head, that normally are very extreme. These thoughts ruin my day, they eat my alive to the point where I end up asking them, making me look like a complete ‘psycho’ girl as they say. Even with a truthful answer, my anxiety demons in my head tell me he’s lying, that he’s actually sleeping with someone else. The thoughts get so strong that it affects how I am in a relationship, it makes me question their every move, makes me question where they’ve been all day. This is not the intensity a relationship needs in its early days, and it normally sends them running.
What my anxiety shows me is that I need continuous reassurance, and most people don’t understand that. It shows me that my mind overthinks every little detail. It seems to others that I’m just being jealous girl that has severe trust issues.
I’d love to know if anybody else feels like this and how they deal with it because i’d really like to improve this side of my anxiety. Either that or I’m picking the wrong guys that i shouldn’t be trusting anyway…
I’ve come back to add to this post because all those thoughts I had, the paranoia, the thoughts that there was more going on than just a Facebook photo like….all turned out too be true. I was made out to look like I was completely going mad and he proved that everything I thought was actually correct. Thanks for making my anxiety 1000 times worse.